2018: A Review

What an unbelievably shit year. No really, in the grand scheme of years this has been a truly shocking one. But as much as it has been a shit-storm it has also been a massive year of growth, change and self acceptance. I am a completely different person to the one who entered this year, and I have never been more grateful for that. I am very happy with the person I have become this year and I am pretty darn proud of her. She is strong, dependable, independent, fun and happy.

So here are some of the highlights of this year, and don’t be fooled by the horrifying exterior these were all growing experiences that made 2018 and made me.

1. My sisters housemate committed suicide.. again bear with the horrifying exterior because it taught us a lot. It has made us all more wary and careful about our mental health and made that a priority to talk about and ensure that we are looking after it. It has made us closer as a family as it’s quite a taboo to talk about and yet we have been able to break it and be there for her when she needed it most. It’s taught me that I don’t need to baby her and that I can be her sister and not a second mum, she is big, brave and bloody amazing.

2. I got dumped.. an actually freeing and incredible blessing. I will forever be grateful for him and my experiences with him, because I would not have been able to do so many of the wonderful things I have done without having had his support, and he truly supported me to the ends of the earth with absolutely everything I wanted to do. So yes he left, and yes he lied about it, and yes it was for another woman, but also he needed to be able to be him and that’s okay, and I got to to be me and that’s pretty great too.

3. My mum got sick.. yep 4 major surgeries down and the end is still not in sight, but she is a fierce woman and she will fight for as long as she has a reason to fight, and thankfully she has 3 pretty great ones in her daughters. It has taught me that I do not have to be control of everything, that I cannot be everywhere and that it is okay. I do not have to be the one every time. That my mum is a pretty freaking amazing woman and I am very lucky to have someone who is that courageous in my life for support.

4. My dog died.. Oscar my beautiful, crazy and to the end loyal dog passed away this year from a tumour. He was still him even at the end and through the pain, he was joyful and loving and pushed himself daily to do things any person probably wouldn’t have bothered with. He has I guess inspired me to try harder and go after the things I want more, because there will always be an excuse and no excuse is really good enough to stand in the way of the things you want.

5. I started a whole new career and I am terrible at it.. I took a gamble and have moved to a new city, with no friends, no support network, no family and no clue what I am doing. But I am doing it. I preserve everyday, I meet every challenge and I try my damn hardest. I am a fighter as well, and I know I can do this.

So yes goodbye 2018, it’s been real.

2019 here’s hoping you can teach me just as much, but also that it wont be taught in such a harsh wrapping.


New Years Resolutions 2017

So it’s been a whole year since I first made my New Years resolutions blog post. Last year I set myself 3 resolutions, and like the vast majority of us I carry them over to this year as I failed to achieve them last year.

1. Learn Spanish – the forever dream, that forever dies because I don’t have the faith in myself to maintain the motivation to spend real money on lessons.

2. Lose one stone – should have been relatively simple, I had a whole year. And yet, the pull of those cakes and biscuits are unwavering!

3. Stay motivated – this I would argue hasn’t failed me as much, I still feel pretty motivated, just tarnished my time pressures. So this year I am going to remove this off the list.. yay, somewhat of a success!

4. So to have 3 healthy goals I am going to set this years new resolution to read 10 books. I managed 8 last year I believe, so I think 10 is a good target. I spend so much time starting at screens I am surprised I don’t have glasses by this point! So to postpone the inevitable I want to go back to reading, as it really is one of my favourite pastimes.

So here is to 2018, may you be better than 2017, and trust me you have a hell of a lot of work to do to top that corker of a year!

A New Year Fast Approaching

So 2017 is drawing to a close and my god it feels like both a lifetime and a second.

I started the year in summery New Zealand, working far too many hours for some lovely, and some rather horrendous people. I draw the year to a close back in wintery london, working far too many hours in the most beautiful and wonderful home.

How the two worlds link I am not quite sure, because my little life on the other side of the world doesn’t feel linked to 2017, to my childhood bedroom and snow.

I slept in hostel rooms with 10 people, friends I hadn’t yet met, and now cherish. I made memories and challenged myself and leapt from a plane. I did unimaginable things and brave things and things I don’t remember because there were so many things. I drank, I danced, I laughed, I cried, I worked, I slept, I didn’t sleep, I baked, I cooked, I met new people, I made new friends, I met family, I made family.

And now I sit at home, nearing the end of this magnificent year, wondering how next year can even try to compete with the year I became me, the year I went crazy and sane all at the same time. I have hopes and wishes and dreams for the year to come, I have anxiety and stress for what it brings, I have love and passion for the people I will see.

Christmas is a knocking, so new year will have to wait. I have 35 stockings to deliver and Santa can’t be late.

New Years Resolutions

I am not a big believer in resolutions on the whole, i think we always make them too vague and unachievable that they end up being abandoned a few weeks in because we cant actually track our achievements.

So this year i decided instead to make goals, slightly more specific, slightly more achievable and hopefully will give my year a purpose and forward momentum.

  1. Start to learn Spanish – just a small commitment of 10 minutes a days worth, something i can track and see progress and gain that sense of achievement from
  2. Lose 1 stone, since i started uni and travelling i managed to gain an extra stone, i am by no means overweight or unhappy or going out of my way to achieve this. I am aware its the cliche ‘get healthy’ goal everyone makes, but mine has a lot less pressure and a lot more flexibility to enjoy life. You wont be seeing me in a gym and you wont see me abandoning my tubs of ice cream! But i want to feel stronger, fit back into my old clothes and get my body back on track, so a bit of light exercise, lots of water and a couple of veggie days a week is the plan
  3. And finally, to stay motivated. Seems a weird one, and definitely goes against my specific goal making rules, but i see this as more of my word of the year, motivation, in any form that takes. The unspoken theme to my year, i might do a post just on what that means to me and how i want to put it into practice.