What an unbelievably shit year. No really, in the grand scheme of years this has been a truly shocking one. But as much as it has been a shit-storm it has also been a massive year of growth, change and self acceptance. I am a completely different person to the one who entered this year, and I have never been more grateful for that. I am very happy with the person I have become this year and I am pretty darn proud of her. She is strong, dependable, independent, fun and happy.
So here are some of the highlights of this year, and don’t be fooled by the horrifying exterior these were all growing experiences that made 2018 and made me.
1. My sisters housemate committed suicide.. again bear with the horrifying exterior because it taught us a lot. It has made us all more wary and careful about our mental health and made that a priority to talk about and ensure that we are looking after it. It has made us closer as a family as it’s quite a taboo to talk about and yet we have been able to break it and be there for her when she needed it most. It’s taught me that I don’t need to baby her and that I can be her sister and not a second mum, she is big, brave and bloody amazing.
2. I got dumped.. an actually freeing and incredible blessing. I will forever be grateful for him and my experiences with him, because I would not have been able to do so many of the wonderful things I have done without having had his support, and he truly supported me to the ends of the earth with absolutely everything I wanted to do. So yes he left, and yes he lied about it, and yes it was for another woman, but also he needed to be able to be him and that’s okay, and I got to to be me and that’s pretty great too.
3. My mum got sick.. yep 4 major surgeries down and the end is still not in sight, but she is a fierce woman and she will fight for as long as she has a reason to fight, and thankfully she has 3 pretty great ones in her daughters. It has taught me that I do not have to be control of everything, that I cannot be everywhere and that it is okay. I do not have to be the one every time. That my mum is a pretty freaking amazing woman and I am very lucky to have someone who is that courageous in my life for support.
4. My dog died.. Oscar my beautiful, crazy and to the end loyal dog passed away this year from a tumour. He was still him even at the end and through the pain, he was joyful and loving and pushed himself daily to do things any person probably wouldn’t have bothered with. He has I guess inspired me to try harder and go after the things I want more, because there will always be an excuse and no excuse is really good enough to stand in the way of the things you want.
5. I started a whole new career and I am terrible at it.. I took a gamble and have moved to a new city, with no friends, no support network, no family and no clue what I am doing. But I am doing it. I preserve everyday, I meet every challenge and I try my damn hardest. I am a fighter as well, and I know I can do this.
So yes goodbye 2018, it’s been real.
2019 here’s hoping you can teach me just as much, but also that it wont be taught in such a harsh wrapping.