So I have been home for almost 2 weeks now, and after months of pining to be back, I can’t wait to go again!
The inevitable dread of starting back at work, at having to live at home with my parents again, of having to balance my social life and do all the other adult things is already wearing down on me!
The only benefit: the fact it’s summer. The hot weather and promise of a holiday in a couple of days is the only thing dragging me through the harsh reality of being back from my travels.
Holiday blues are real, and they are punishing.
So I have come to the end of my travels, they will get a seperate post!
But what have I learned about myself? The cliche that travelling helps you find yourself, helps you develop and grow as a person. I guess in my case is very accurate.
1. I am not as much of a good person as I think I am
2. I can solo travel
3. I can put myself out there and make friends
4. I like attention, in fact maybe I actually need it
5. I am adventurous
6. I am brave
7. I overly mother people
8. I try to justify everything, even when it shouldn’t be justified
9. I feel like I missed out on certain experiences
10. I am not the person I thought I was. I am not the person I think I am. I am becoming a person I didnt see coming.
THE ADVENTURE HAS BEGUN!
So at the delightful hour of 6:35 I started my journey, I boared the commuter train back into Wellington. I was anxious and excited, about to undertake the most challenging 2 weeks of my life. So South I traveled, crossed to the South Island by the ferry to start my first ever solo traveling experience.
I was praised by the beautiful view after the 3 1/2 ride, Picton glowing in sunlight reflected off the sea. I made some friends on the crossing, I haven’t managed to fully put myself out there, there is something hooding me back. Thankfully, everyone has been very welcoming and inclusive, which has made the first day a lot easier.
What the plan is for this evening I don’t yet. But I am sure it’ll be an adventure.
So i am very new to the sticker planner girl community, although i am a long time sticker lover and have always been an avid watcher of PWMs and Sticker hauls on youtube. Elle from Glamplan being my guide and guilty pleasure channel for ages.
These are things i have learned so far:
- I am terrible at laying down stickers
- Stickers are expensive
- Planning is time consuming
- Planning can be stressful!
- I am fussy
- The community is amazing – Literally everyone is a fantastic person, caring, loving and supportive and i am so grateful to have found such an outlet and group of people to vent to and seek assurance from
- I need to search etsy more
- I need to reach out more
- You can cover any mistake if you need to
- Boring things can be fun and pretty
So admittedly some of these things are superficial at best, but hey, its my planner, only i need to see it and only i need to use it, so what if i like pretty stickers, whatever motivates me to do something is a bonus!
So here are a couple images of my first attempt to a more recent spread, so you can see the slow transformation. Shout out to Sugarloop (NZ based) and Lovecloud Creative (AUS based) for the beautiful stickers! There is a lot to work on and to work out, and my style i imagine will mature, but we all have to start somewhere!
More recent attempt
So the last week has been one of the most stressful, full on and hellish weeks ever. So i quit my horrible job at the bakery 3 weeks ago but my last day was last Thursday. The relief to be done with them was overwhelming…but very short-lived.
Firstly; i didn’t get paid on the usual fortnightly date as they said they would pay it with my final pay packet. – Not immediately a problem, a bit annoying as i was out of pocket from travel costs, rent etc for the 3 weeks since our last pay came in. However had i known the shit storm to come i would have put up a much bigger fight about this.
Secondly; I only had to give a weeks notice, i ended up working 3 weeks as favour to them as i didn’t want to leave them without staff and struggling. – WHAT A MISTAKE THAT WAS. I went out of my way for them and they basically took the piss by making me work over time for those few weeks and treating me with their usual shit.
Thirdly; So after staying longer, working over time and training my replacement, none of which were contractual obligations, all of which i did because i am a good person, they go and royally screw me over. They take a deduction of $550 from my last paycheck. This was made worse by the fact it was made post tax, so of the $1400 they owed me, $300 went to the tax man, $550 went back into their pocket and a measly $620 made it into my account meaning my 76 hours of work came out to be worth just over $8 an hour, a lot lower than the $15 minimum wage and a hell of a lot lower than the $17 an hour they are usually worth.
This forced me to go and see a lawyer to see what could be done about the massive deduction and at that point the withholding of my pay. The lawyer unhelpfully told me that i did have a case but it would be a long and dirty fight. Considering that i am leaving the country in 35 days that wasn’t really an option for me, which my previous employers knew and took advantage of.
So i finished the week feeling deflated, taken advantage of and stupid for ever agreeing to work for those people and with very little options.
I made the decision not to pursue a law suit or hate campaign towards them… for the simple reason THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT. They are not a worth a single second more of my time, and after this post i will have blocked the numbers and started moving forward with my life having learned a big lesson and grown up a hell of a lot more than i realised i need to.
In 7 weeks today I will be back on British soil. I will be home. I will get to see my friends and family and my adventure on the other side of the world will be over.
I should feel sad, I should be yearning for more travel. But I am not. I cannot wait to see my mum, to be in my house, to see my friends, to walk around my hometown, to see the lights and hustle and craziness of London. To see my dad and my sisters and get back to reality.
I have had an amazing time, it has been the biggest learning curve of my life other than university. I will be forever thankful that I did this, that I saw this place, that it let me be a part of it and it a part of me. But it will never be my home, and my home is calling for me. My heart is yearning for the familiarity and safety of my world.
As the time draws nearer I may wish I was staying, but with 7 weeks to go my eyes are only fixed on the finishing line.
So… week 2 was a complete fail, i didn’t manage a single work out and my diet was all over the place! But, in my defense, that’s life. It’s not always going to be the perfect week and your motivation is not always going to be sky high! Also, things crop up, I quit my horrible job and have spent the last 2 weeks trying to manage the fall out of that, but that will get a whole post to its self, of not only my experience there but also the aftermath of trying to leave! So yes in essence week 2 was sort of a non week.
Week 3: a much more productive and fulfilling week. I managed to time manage better, which meant I managed 3 workouts and a hike! I also managed to eat relatively well 4 out of the 7 days, I am no angel and food will forever be my downfall! But I am proud of my progress and I have a week to go of the beginners program and I feel like it will be a success…. only to be undone at Easter, but hey, at least I won’t be any worse off than when I started!
For the last week i have been tracking my calorie intake with Lifesum and using the Nike Training Club app with the Start Up Plan to kick start my fitness and get it back on track.
I have never been overweight or really had any weight issues, I am now slightly podgier than i would like and don’t really know what to do about it, as well, i have never been in this situation before. Which causes mayor issues, as my ability to say no to yummy food and motivate myself to exercise are basically non-existent! So lack of experience with dieting or food management or consistent exercise in terms of work outs is a very new and a very steep learning curve for me. So this is my journey, one week down and a hell of a long way to go, but at least i have started.
What i have learned just in this last week:
- Exercise is hard
- I am not very fit
- I am not very flexible
- I snack too much
- I work too much
- I have very little time
- I do not prioritize health
- I live for the sweet things
- I need more leggings
- Progress is slow, well completely nonexistent a week in (no idea how that’s motivational, thanks a bunch body!)
- I do a lot of walking, and don’t do a lot of anything else
- I can’t bet on myself
- I am hungry
- I am lazy
- I am embarrassed to be seen exercising
Ill keep you posted on how my second week of it goes, lets hope i can learn some slightly more positive things and actually start to move the bulge!
What I packed for lunch today.. may not seem interesting but it is essential!
I work from 3am to 9pm 2 days a week (I work a 5 day week but these two are my longest days) and thus require a packed lunch to get me through till home time.
So in the grand scheme of it, what I have packed might seem like nothing as it has to cover all 3 of my meals, but I quickly make up for the lack of eating on my less busy days!
In my lunch box:
– a cheese sandwich on gluten free seeded bread
– a protein cereal bar
– herb and garlic crackers
– a green tea with lemon and ginger tea bag
– a whole bell pepper
– roasted unsalted almonds
As well as what’s in my box I will usually have a bottle of water, a sweet treat of some kind and several cups of normal tea to tide my over! I sometimes also opt for a bag of microwave rice on days where I pack a sandwich over a cooked meal (usually leftovers) as it’s easy to store in my bag and quick to eat. As plain and simple a sandwich never fills me up like a proper cooked meal, so I need the extra!
“You’re still all over me like a wine-stained dress i can’t wear anymore”.
We have all had that one ex that was your everything, your all encompassing world and who broke your heart and left you lost and alone in a world you didn’t know, with a person that you didn’t even know existed without him.
Clean by Taylor Swift i think gives an interesting and relatable approach to what it feels like coming out the other end of that relationship. And i could do a thousands posts on him, and that relationship and the aftermath of it, but for now i don’t feel like this is the place to share that.
But i want to discuss one line in the song that has stuck with me. The idea that you continue to wear that person and that they still have a place and hold in your life. And me for one completely believe that to be true. They are your past, they defined you for a long time, and they helped to form you into the person you are today and truly without them you wouldn’t be you, even to this day. Which is not the most comforting reality for the majority of us, who like to cut them out of our lives and show how we have ‘moved on’. But i don’t think it necessarily has to be a bad thing, i think we should be proud to wear that stained dress, because that’s the newly tie-dyed better version of yourself that may no longer be in its purest form, but has the colour of life and learning and shows how far you have come.
So i don’t want to be clean. I want, just like in the immortal words of rocky horror and Christina Aguilera to get dirty.
I want to get stained by the people who have changed me, who have impacted my life for the better, or even for the worst, because where i stand today is only as a result of me and how i have overcome the hurdles they created. But a life without hurdles to climb would leave me lazy, lonely and boring… Which are not the words you would use to describe someone in a wine stained dress.